8th October 2026 Heywood Walking Football
Over 60’s squad
Eddy Ford ( GK )
Ian McCann ( C )
Kevin Amos
Danny Mitton
Mike Bartram
Keith Swain
Dave Lutkevitch
Kev Bates
Manager – Pat the Cat Fitzgerald
Due to technical issues and a lack of an independent reporter being available today’s match reports will be sparse, very sparse, sparser than a sparse thing in the sparse aisle at a local Spar.
Firstly… the sun was shining the sky was blue and it was a pleasant temperature for the playing of football … it kind of goes downhill rapidly in terms of positive reporting after that.
Clearly all the players from every team were in a state of mild shock at the pleasant weather , constantly looking skyward as if expecting the onslaught of a hurricane to take them unawares…” it’s quiet… too quiet “ people muttered half to themselves half to the gods of weather as if expecting an explanation…. nothing came… no wind… no rain… no lightning… no thunder… high high above a Goshawk soared on the thermals looking bemused at the humans below kicking a round object back and forth ..back and forth ..back and forth …back and forth
“Why do they play with their food in that manner “ ? it wondered to itself ….
I found myself wondering if Goshawks play competitive sports….. that’s how enthralling the football was.
Bury played five games against
RochdaleCorinthiansPanthersRochdalestrollersMostonBrook
I’ve grouped all their names together because each game seemed to be a carbon copy of the previous … nothing particularly exciting happened… Eddy made a couple of great saves but generally wasn’t tested much .
There were three shots on target… over five games and they all came in the first game.
Five clean sheets reflect upon a pretty effective defensive display though there were a couple of occasions where we fell asleep and left people unmarked at the back usually because of everyone pressing high without checking the back door was shut.
No goals but lots of back and forth… back and forth…back and forth….
The relief when the final whistle of the final game came was palpable.
Shout out to the supporters, especially Tony G who was so vocal on the side-lines ,it was as if he was actually on the pitch playing .
Final Scores
Nil… point ( in a French 🇫🇷 accent)🦅
—————————————————-////
————————————————-🏃➡️🏃🦅… ok… I know I know it’s five points
Report by Kevin “Shakespeare” Bates,
Title, created probably ironically because of the good weather, NevK.
