GMWFL Spring 2022 – Bury Relics over 70’s Blues remain unbeaten

Bury Relics over 70’s versus Blackpool.
Just like the previous round of fixtures, angry clouds, cold wind and incessant rain turned up in Heywood, to provide atrocious conditions for both footballers and supporters alike. However, the Relics started the game well and smoothly, like a Mercedes engine where all moving parts gave precise movement and the passing crisp, so much so even Crisp and Dry cooking oil would be proud. This led to a brilliant piece of action; John W made an important interception 8 yards out from Blackpools goal, slightly to the left, the touch was heavy but all players were motionless, as if Captain Kirk had ordered, “phasers on stun Mr. Sulu”, and John strode to the ball and hit a great first time shot, low to the keepers left. His foot must have felt like a golf driver, when you sweetly hit the ball perfectly; Bang! 1 – 0 to the Relics. Blackpool responded and started to knit more passes together, which led to an important block from John W and then Peter A. Now it was Tex’s turn to make a good tackle on the edge of the Relics box, but the ball had so much spin on it, that it went into the Relics box but then came out at another location for the Blackpool player to have a shot, which was blocked brilliantly by Dave M and out for a corner. This corner pinged about like pinball, until it reached Blackpools #9, who hit a perfect toe bung, which came through a crowd of players at speed, like the millennium falcon negotiating an asteroid field; Eddy did not see it and it was Blackpools equalizer, 1 – 1. The next passage of play saw another toe bung, from about the halfway line, which turned out to be a good one, as Eddy had to make a save. The Relics were making attacks of their own, and it was evident that Jerry was working hard up front, to make space for the Relics attacking midfield or receiving the ball and laying it off. Now, the game was getting more competitive, and one of the most spectacular things about this match was the free-fall jumping/diving coming from the Black Pool players. The Relics may have been making the odd foul here and there, but the Salmon like leap reactions to the tackles defied the laws of physics, which states something like “each reaction has an equal and opposite reaction”. Unless the relics were wearing Taser football boots with 240-volt toe caps, this law of physics is wrong. For their own safety, Pool players should wear helmets and parachutes because they reached high altitude when tackled. Unfortunately, this was influencing the Ref, and soon the Relics were looking down a precipice of a 4 foul penalty, so Keith “Ten “ S cleverly made an all important change, that saw the all action hero John W come off, who had unluckily collected 2 fouls, for Pat the Cat at the Back to come on. And Pat was quickly into the action, that saw him make a good play. He had the ball at the back but was coming under pressure from the Blackpool attack, but Pat took his time and made a great and pin-point pass to Tex on the right, who controlled the ball, and hit a great shot across the Blackpool goal, just inches wide. Great effort. Then almost disaster in the last minutes, as Blackpool had a breakaway and took a good shot that was low and across goal. Lucky for the Relics, it hit the post and went wide. The game finished 1 -1.
Bury Relics over 70’s 1 – 1 Blackpool.

Bury Relics over 70’s versus Rochdale Strollers.
This game was a good and even one, with chances for both teams. In the early stages, Tex had a long-range shot, which was blocked, and up the other end, the Rochdale #9 made a nice turn and shot to the righthand side of goal, but Eddy was equal to it. John W was in the thick of the action again, with good tackles in midfield and a shot that was just wide. Then, from a Relics free-kick, John W received the ball and gave it a whack, but it was an “Av It!” shot, which left a football shaped hole in an overhead cloud. Rochdale were countering every Relics attack, and it took a great tackle from Dave M to prevent a goal scoring chance for Rochdale. Tex too was making good blocks to repel the Rochdale attack. Then there was a Blackpool moment for the Relics; I thought Tex had taken tips from Blackpool acrobatics and took a high tumble from a Rochdale tackle; however, he assured me after the game that it was a genuine fall. From the resulting free-kick, Pete played the ball to Tex in space, who hit a powerful shot that was deflected by a defender and then saved by the Rochdale keeper. Then Rochdale went up the other end, for their #9 to shoot wide of goal. More pressure on the Relics goal, led to a fall/slide tackle by Tex that was penalized by the Ref; from the free-kick, came a long range shot that was saved by Eddy. Then came a big chance for the Relics. Dave must have some Klingon friends, who lent him a cloaking device; he was in light years of space up-front, just outside the Rochdale box. Dave received the ball, and hit a looping and curling shot that was going into the far corner, but their keeper parried the shot out to Jerry. The follow up by Jerry was good but not enough to beat their keeper. This was an excellent game, with big chances for both teams to score. Only good individual defending and goal keeping kept the honours even at 0 – 0.
Bury Relics over 70’s 0 – 0 Rochdale Strollers.

Bury Relics over 70’s versus Manchester Senior Citizens.
Strictly come dancing has come to Heywood! The game starts with City’s talented quarterback carrying the ball with great control up to the Relics area. Confronted by Tex, the city player starts to dance, dipping each shoulder in time to imaginary Fox Trot music. Tex liked this, and started to dance with him, dipping his shoulders in time to the City player. It looked hilarious from the touchline, and I am sure Tex just wanted to slide tackle him but such things are not allowed. Eventually Tex got a foot in and it was all over, the dance that is. Pat then made a good tackle and played the ball quickly to Keith B, who then passed it on to Jerry, who had a shot that was saved by their keeper. From the subsequent City play, Keith B made a great interception and immediately hit a powerful shot that hit the RH post of the city goal. A close one and good effort by Keith B. Then it was John W’s turn to fire a shot, who made a good one but it was saved; a corner to the Relics. Pinball ensued, and then a shot from John W again, and it was saved. The Relics were enjoying the majority of play and making more chances to score. This was partly down to the good and clever play of Keith B, who was marking the City quarterback like a shadow; this meant City’s possession was limited. In the last minutes of this game, John W and Jerry both had shots that went wide, which was sandwiched by a City attack and shot by their #7, which was also wide. If this was a boxing match, the result would be a unanimous win for the Relics, but it is not boxing, ergo honours shared with a goalless draw.
Bury Relics over 70’s 0 – 0 Manchester Senior Citizens.

Bury Relics over 70’s versus Preston.
An early Preston attack resulted in a toe bung shot that was saved well by Eddy. Then the Relics worked a chance for themselves, for Keith B, who shot just wide. Then it was the turn of the fastest hat in the north west, who had a shot that Eddy got down to and saved; a good save. Then good interchanges of play at the back from Bury Relics, with Peter A, Dave and eventually Tex working the ball out to John W, who’s shot was just too high and wide of the goal. Then, another attack by the Relics, using free flowing football, led to a Keith shot, which was well saved by their keeper. In the trench warfare midfield battle that had developed, John W was unlucky to be penalized when a Preston player turned into him and John won the ball fairly. However, from the free-kick, the Relics regained possession quickly and a pinpoint pass from Jerry to John W led to a shot that was saved. Tex was having an imperious game at the back for the Relics against Preston, winning multiple tackles to keep the Bury goal safe. One particular one was right on the edge of the area, where nothing else but precision would save the Relics, and Tex obliged; he intercepted fairly and made no mistake, like standing in the box. The last chance of the day went to the Relics and John W, but his first-time shot was not good enough to score. Both teams were soaked and a bit tired from their previous games but it was still a good and entertaining draw, which Bury probably just edged on points.
Bury Relics over 70’s 0 – 0 Preston.

A massive round of applause for the players, who in atrocious conditions produced some good quality football. Also well done to the management and the supporters, that included Ken, Stewart, Kodak keith and Dr. John. The squad consisted: Pat the cat at the back, John W, Keith B, Jerry S, Dave M, Tex, Peter A and Eddie the keeper. Also, thanks to Keith “Ten” S, Ken and Kodak Keith for supplying expert football coaching and the fabulous photos. Match report by Dr. John.

For all the GMWFL Spring 2022 fixtures and results see the Match Centre page here