20th November 2025
Relics over 65’s
Heywood
Manager : Ken Buggie
Squad :
Graham Walton ( C )
Keith Gillespie ( GK )
Keith Swain
Kevin Amos
Alan Blackley
Dave Lutkevitch
Pete Schevtschenko
Tony Greenall
It’s cold …. it’s very cold… it’s so cold that when Andy commented on my shivering I thought he was about to make a verbal dig so I made a pre-emptive strike by saying “ it’s alright for you…you’re a f*t fu**er” there were audible oooh’s from everyone in earshot…Andy had that “ revenge is best served cold“ look in his eyes …so I ran away and ordered extra padded shin pads off eBay… and ankle pads….and a nice full face American Football helmet.
Oh yeah…Anyway..there were some football matches played but my notes are so scrambled I doubt if the reports are going to be accurate… did I mention it was cold?
First match up against Winstanley
Subs-Keith S Tony G
I believe Ian McKinnon used “ World Kindness Day” to filter his report on last week’s Stripes game.
In a similar spirit I’m using “World Tell It Like It Is Day” to filter my report.
Bury were crap in this game… or Winstanley were really really good… it’s a matter of perspective… almost the entire game was played in Bury’s half of the pitch so all ten outfield players crammed together ..Winstanley pressed and possessed and shot some really really good shots 7 in total 4 on target resulting in two absolutely magnificent saves from Keith G at full stretch the other two attempts being tamer but nevertheless important stops… Bury had 1 shot… not on target. Bury couldn’t string two passes together and were under the cosh from the start… but in fairness… it was very very cold and Winstanley had obviously invested in thermal underwear otherwise we’d’ve thrashed them… as it is ..a respectable nil nil draw , man of the match to Keith G
Bury 0 Winstanley 0
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Second game up against Panthers
I’m going to call them the Blue Panthers because it was cold 🥶
Subs- Kev A , Pete S
It’s still cold ..but strangely ..Bury started playing like they had been treated in the interval with intravenous black peas .. passing the ball moving into space stroking it round like Brazil.. this bedazzled the Blue Panthers who ended up giving away a free kick which Dave L absolutely hammered at the net but somehow.. somehow the Blue Panthers keeper got a hand to it… his hand shattered into a thousand little pieces on impact.. ok .. it didn’t… but it should have because it was so cold.
Blue Panthers also had a free kick shortly after but it hit the post which also shattered into a thousand little pieces.. anyway ..that was exciting as it got for the Blue Panthers .
Meanwhile Bury are playing like men possessed .. a lovely pass from Dave L to Alan a great shot from Alan but the keeper saved it with his remaining hand.
The pressure from Bury was relentless a pass from Alan to Graham on the edge of the box a lovely swivel and pass on to Dave L at the far side of the box another great shot but ..couldn’t get it past the bits of the keeper that were still unshattered .
Full time
Bury 0 Blue Panthers 0
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Third game up against Blackpool
Subs-Dave L, Pete S
If Bury were operating on Intravenous Black Peas then Blackpool were operating on Intravenous Running Beans 🫘
There was not a lot of walking happening in this game, Blackpool had clearly eaten too many Weetabix and Bury were having to run to keep up with them, to be fair to Bury they did a grand job in a pretty even fast-paced game managing 6 shots with 3
on target, Blackpool only had 3 shots with 2 on target but stats don’t give the full picture.
Graham had two great shots saved but at the other end Blackpool got the benefit of a controversial decision, their strikers managed to split Bury’s defence very effectively albeit with rule bending pace their striker toe-poked a goal when the ball was clearly in the box but the goal was given..
Bury didn’t give up and continued pressing but were undone again by a clever back-heel that split the defence leaving the striker with an easy target that Keith couldn’t do much about from point blank range.
This result doesn’t really do justice to Bury who made some great moves and were for the most part solid in defence but if players are consistently allowed to run and not penalised then the other team don’t really stand a chance.
Bury 0 Blackpool 2
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Fourth game up against Wakefield
Subs-Kev A, Alan
Let’s get the stats out of the way
Bury had 5 shots 2 on target ( I’ll come back to this)
Wakefield had 8 shots 3 on target
Wakefield are a very good team but Bury could’ve given them a run for their money ….unfortunately the Black Peas had started to wear off at this point .
Wakefield pass the ball like there’s nobody on the pitch except themselves , it is a pleasure to watch and unfortunately for Bury that’s all they could manage to do for much of the game, wave after wave of attack pushed Bury to the edge and in Pete’s case quite literally, we all know what it’s like trying to contain a top striker whilst balancing on the edge of the box .. unfortunately Pete lost his balance and stepped into the box… penalty… dispatched ruthlessly by Wakefield.
However Bury didn’t just fold they had a couple of decent shots on target, one from Alan and one from Graham after a lovely pass from Keith S .
But the momentum was mainly with Wakefield who forced another error this time from Keith S who intercepted a ball coming across Bury’s area before it had left the area whilst under pressure from a striker breathing down his neck threatening to toe poke it… another penalty.. another goal.
Finally Wakefield got a free kick and unlike most teams found a way to score from it… Final score
Bury 0 Wakefield 3
For what it’s worth as a bit of a consolation I overheard the Wakefield boss saying “ this is the only team today who’ve managed to get two shots on target against us “
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Fifth game up against Corinthians
Subs-Keith S, Tony G
Stats .. Bury 6 shots 4 on target
Corinthians 5 shots 2 on target
Final game and for some reason there’s a feeling of optimism nay joy drifting across the slightly thawed sheet of green concrete that is passing as a pitch on this crisp sunny day ( I forgot to mention the sun, the sun , like the cold, was relentless.. ridiculously bright and disorientating without the slightest hint of heat ..just sat up there ..mocking the mortals who dare to presume that sunshine means warmth).
Perhaps it was the realisation that soon they could find shelter from the god of ice who was clawing at their feet or perhaps it was the disposition of the referee Ian who always manages to inject a bit of humour into proceedings that certainly helps to lift the mood especially after being thrashed 3 nil.
This game was all a bit of a blur as I was in the later stages of hypothermia at this point but I do remember some great passing good movement.. I may have been hallucinating but I think Bury players even managed to communicate verbally within this match… whatever it was … the thought of tea and biscuits 🍪 the jokes of the referee or the sheer madness that comes from lack of oxygen as it freezes before it reaches your lungs… Bury played great football culminating in a shot from Graham that was blocked by the keeper but he couldn’t hold it and it bounced out to Graham who lifted it gloriously seemingly in slow motion over the keeper and into the net … f***ing hell… a goal… the heavens opened… angels did a fly-by … dogs and cats hugged each other… but wait… Corinthians weren’t in a mood to allow divine intervention to distract them.. they forced a free kick in a great position the resulting shot sailed like an arrow ( wait a minute… can an arrow sail)? … sailed like an arrow shaped sailing vessel straight at Bury’s goal.. Keith G ,with lightning reflexes, just manages to get his fingertips to the missile that was sent his way and he guides it over the crossbar… all the spectators breath out in a massive collective misty cold day sigh that momentarily blocks out the sun … as the mist slowly clears the referee blows his whistle…
Final score
Bury 1 Corinthians 0
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This leaves Relics in the middle of a congested mid table of 7 teams; 3 points from 2nd place and 2 points above relegation. The final 4 games on the last match week are going to be epic – will we slip through the cracks to submerge into Div 2, slide along to safety or skate away to runners up?
Bury Relics 