Bury Relics over 70s September 2025 match report
Bury Relics Over-70s have had a resilient and impressive Spring 2025 campaign in the Greater Manchester Walking Football League, marked by disciplined defending and steady progress. After a shaky start in March, they quickly found their rhythm, going unbeaten in April and conceding no goals. May brought crucial wins and standout performances, especially from Graham and goalkeeper Ed, while June saw them draw three tight matches and edge out Winstanley with a vital 1-0 win. Bob and Jomo have also had a big influence on the good form of the over 70s. Now close on points at the top of the table, the Relics are poised for a thrilling title run-in, driven by teamwork, tactical bravery, and a few flashes of magic.
Bury Relics vs. Manchester Corinthians
As I was late to this fixture, I had to learn from several witnesses and rely on my own ingenuity to produce a report for this match. It was punctuated by a pivotal incident that led to the Corinthians goal. In what can only be described as the most cataclysmically unfortunate moment of the millennium, the Bury Relics’ defence committed a pass so misplaced it could’ve used a satnav. The ball rolled gently into no-man’s land, where a lurking Corinthians attacker pounced with the speed of a caffeinated cheetah, intercepting and unleashing a shot that was less “top bins” and more “top heartbreak.” The goal—scored with the precision of a laser-guided missile—sealed a 1-0 defeat that felt like the most soul-crushing, morale-melting loss in walking football history. As one fan muttered, “Why did the football team go to the bank? To get their goalie back.” And after that pass? “They’re considering renaming the defence ‘Swiss cheese’—because it’s full of holes.” Note: This was the best I could do with the information I was provided with.
Result; Bury Relics 0 – 1 Manchester Corinthians
Bury Relics vs. Tameside
In a match that crackled with intensity from the first whistle, Bury Relics launched straight into attack mode, with Jomo forcing a sharp save from the Tameside keeper within seconds—so quick, even the stopwatch needed a warm-up. But football’s pendulum swung fast, and Tameside nearly stole the lead when their striker wriggled free and struck a shot that beat Alan but clanged off the post like a doorbell at a haunted house. The rebound fell kindly, but the follow-up was sliced wide—cue the first dad joke: “He hit that so far off target, the ball applied for a passport.” The game settled into a rhythm of slick passing and tactical jousting, and it was nice to see Stuart playing in Tameside’s midfield. Despite a few more chances—including Ray’s elegant turn and shot just wide, and Ken’s blocked efforts—the scoreboard refused to budge. Jomo, meanwhile, was everywhere: intercepting, sprinting, and unleashing a rocket that zipped past the post like it had somewhere better to be. As the final whistle blew on a high-speed, high-quality goalless draw, one thing was clear: “This match had more movement than my dad trying to find the TV remote.”
Result; Bury Relics 0 – 0 Tameside
Bury Relics vs. Rochdale
Bury Relics kicked off with intent, and it was Jomo again unleashing a long-range effort early on—only for Ken to accidentally block it like a defender auditioning for the opposition. Alan then produced a save so sharp it could slice toast: a lightning-fast left-hand extension to deny a Rochdale rocket, without the theatrics of a Hollywood dive. “That save was so smooth, even butter took notes.” The game flowed end to end, with Gerry getting a shot off from a well-worked free-kick, and Jomo nearly bending one into the top corner—missing by nanometres, which in football terms is basically quantum heartbreak. Rochdale’s pace down the wing earned them a puzzling free-kick, but it came to nothing. Ken held the ball up brilliantly, though passed back when he had more time than a snooze button. Then came the moment: Bob intercepted, Jomo exchanged passes with Gerry, and with a cheeky glance, slotted the ball past the scrambling keeper—1–0 to the Relics. Rochdale responded with siege-level pressure, but Alan stood firm, making save after save that will have Ed nervously eyeing his jersey. “Alan’s gloves were so hot, they’re being investigated for arson.” Bob nearly added a second with a clever chip, but the power didn’t match the placement. A good game and a fair result, with Relics having a slightly higher number of shots.
Result; Bury Relics 1 – 0 Rochdale
Bury Relics vs. Winstanley
This clash between Bury Relics and Winstanley was a tactical tug-of-war wrapped in high-quality walking football. Winstanley fired the first warning shot wide, but Relics responded with a slick multi-pass move that ended with John W unleashing a thunderbolt—only for the keeper to stand firm like a brick wall in boots. Bob earned a well-deserved pat on the back after a heroic interception, and moments later, found himself the lone defender in a 2-on-1 break. But Bob was colossal, snuffing out danger like a fire extinguisher at a barbecue. “He read that attack so well, he’s now banned from the library for finishing all the books.” JW nearly broke the deadlock with a blistering left-foot strike, but the keeper’s undercarriage got just enough on it to send it wide—“That save was so cheeky, it should’ve come with a parental advisory.” Winstanley’s silky footwork nearly produced a stunner, and Relics responded with a gorgeous four-pass sequence ending in a blocked Gerry shot. As Winstanley pressed, the Relics’ backline—Bob, Peter T, and John W—held firm with crunching tackles, clever positioning and canny passes. Bob had a chance from a free-kick but launched it into orbit, possibly earning frequent flyer miles. Ken’s late effort was classy but denied, and with two late subs, the game fizzled out into a fair 0–0 draw. This game was full of flair, grit, and skill, to keep the fans enthralled (I know I was).
Result; Bury Relics 0 – 0 Winstanley
Summary
The Bury Relics have had a rollercoaster of a day across these four fixtures, showcasing mettle, debonair flair, and a few moments we’d probably like to forget. They suffered a narrow defeat to Corinthians but bounced back to beat Rochdale, both these games decided by single goals—one from a defensive blunder and the other from a sublime Relics move. Against Tameside and Winstanley, the Relics held firm in high-tempo, end-to-end battles that ended in goalless draws, with standout performances from Jomo, Bob, Peter T, and Alan keeping the scoreboard clean. To inject a bit of comedy, “The defence was so generous at times, they’re now being considered for charity status.” And “One shot was so wide, it’s now listed on Airbnb as a weekend getaway.” Oh Dear 😊. All in all, a good day with a mixed bag of results, but plenty of promise in the performances to show Relics are still in with a shout of winning the league. The players and management performed well, and all contributed positively to the 5 points attained today; well done Bury Relics.
Players: Alan B (GK), Jomo (C), Ray, Gerry, Ken Bu., Peter T, John W and Bob.
Manager and staff: Pat, Keiren and Keith S.
Fans: Keith B, Dave M, Dr. John and others.
Dr. John contributed to making this report.
Bury Relics 