Report for over 75s league fixtures on the 28th of May 2025.
Lately, the reporting has been of supreme quality, with a heavy dose of jokes. So, since I was thinking to myself about a joke I made up, I may as well post it here; of course it’s awesome.
What brand of sausages do bricklayers like the most? Walls.
On the day, it was perfect conditions for playing football; no rain, no wind and not too hot a sunshine, so it set the scene for some high-quality football. While the league gave a small speech, a few of the Relics staff had a game of side-foot bowls, where a football is carefully kicked at distance, with the aim of getting it to stop right on the goal-line. Not easy and nobody managed it.
The squad on the day consisted: Eddy (GK, C), Bob D, Dave M, Jomo, Keiren, Kevin L and Sir Pat*. Manger was Foghorn Mckinnon, backed up with Keith S and Ken Bug. Supporters included Keith B, Dr. John and others.
* Pat moved on a Bosman free loan transfer to the Invincibles mid-game.
A good and thorough team talk was given by Ian before the first game versus the Invincibles.
Bury Relics vs. The Invincibles
I was expecting this team to be wearing red suits and masks, as in the cartoon, but I since realized that’s the Incredibles. However, as it turned out, the team could only turn out 5 players. Bury Relics and/or the league were very sporting and we also put out a team of 5 players to match. Ergo, the starting line-up for the Relics was Eddy, Bob, Kevin, Jomo and Keiren. The Relics began well, dominating possession and having several shots. In response, the Invincibles hit a long-range toe-bung that just fizzed past the outside of Eddy’s post. Then a good chance to Relics, as Bob bombed down the right-wing to centre to Keiren, he laid it off to Jomo, who had time and space to measure a shot. Unfortunately, it just went wide of the post. Another chance sees Bob coming up from the back again, receiving the ball from Jomo. Bob hits a hard toe-bung that clears the bar, but it had plenty of power on the shot. Again, Relics are getting shots away, this time Kevin, but with the same result of going past the post. Then a series of corners to the Invincibles, includes a toe-bung shot that Eddy does well to save. Relics then reply with a move down the left with Jomo passing to Kevin, who has to lunge into the shot that takes him into the area. No goal but that was a close one.
Second half; Dave M comes on for Kevin, and Relics carry on where they left off, by attacking. Jomo shows great skills to make some space and passes to Bob, who shoots just wide. Then the Invincibles reply with some powerful shots, which are both blocked bravely by Bob. Then Jomo is at it again, using great skill to get past 2 defenders and have a clear path to goal, he strikes but the keeper saves it. Then, an unlucky quirk of fate for the Invincibles, sees their #4 pull a muscle, he’s limping around, holding his Glutenous maximus muscle. As a consequence, Sir Pat the Cat, volunteers to play for the Invincibles, who turns out to be their lucky talisman on the day. I was asking what the transfer fee was at the time, but apparently, he moved freely on a Bosman. Then, tremendous 11-aside play; Jomo receives the ball on the edge of the area and muscles the defender away from the ball. He then used precision to guide his shot into the goal, via the inside of the post, to make it 1-0 to the Relics. A great goal but it looked like a walking football contact foul to me, but players closer to the action assured me it wasn’t. Happy days in any case, the Relics were ahead and managed the game well for the remaining 5 minutes to win 1-0.
Result Bury Relics 1 – 0 The Invincibles
Bury Relics vs. Rochdale AFC Strollers
Next up were Rochdale, who have 2 or 3 dangerous players, most notably their #7 striker. Bob is given the job of marking him when they are in possession. The Relics have their first meaningful attack with a nice lay off from Keiren, setting up Jomo for a shot that goes just wide. Then the ball is down the other end, with their #7 hitting some shots. Then the #7 manages to get free of his marker, and takes a powerful shot, which Eddy saves, but the ball comes back to him and luckily, he puts the rebound wide. Dave is faced by another player who dips his shoulder to make space, and it’s a good shot but just wide. Then Bob makes a tremendous tackle by intercepting the ball just before it reached their striker. Rochdale just edge the first half on shots but it’s an even game, with great defending from the Relics and good saves from Eddy.
Nearly a great goal at the start of the second half. What a great shot by Kevin, who is upfront and gets a pass at pace, along the ground. He waits for the ball to pass him and swivels quickly to shoot first time; oooh, just past the post. Then he is put in space by Keiren, but Kevin’s shot is just too high. The Relics have started very brightly and are well on top at the beginning of the second half. However, Rochdale break away, with #7 finding a bit of space. He shoots high and Eddy is able to save it out for a corner. Then it’s 2 chances in quick succession for the Relics: first it’s a turn and shot from Kevin, who showed high quality to spin on a sixpence and shoot, then it’s a great move. Brilliant chance for Relics on the left-hand side; Bob finds Jomo in space, the Rochdale defence try to get back but Jomo has time to shoot, but it just goes wide. More shots from Relics means the second half has turned into the Alamo on Rochdale’s goal. Bob and Jomo link up yet again but this time Jomo is adjudged to have run (just 2 steps) before shooting. The game continued with more shots from the Relics until the final whistle. The second half was very exciting and Relics deserved a goal. Overall, a great game.
Result Bury Relics 0 – 0 Rochdale AFC Strollers
Bury Relics vs. Tameside Striders
This game started off quite even with the ball going from end to end. However, out of the blue, there is a bit of an argy bargy. Jomo pushes an opponent to the ground. Fans and staff, at the side, grimaced and were fearing the worst, of a carded punishment for Jomo. It was not clear what the problem was that lead to this but clearly Jomo was not happy with something the opponent had done. Very luckily, the Ref just gave a foul and free-kick, which was probably the right outcome. The game continues and Jomo makes a good interception and moves forward, this time his shot is wide.
Bury Relics score a goal out of the blue, through Kevin. The ball is knocked up to him, and his control marginally lets him down, so that the ball is just out of his reach. At the exact same time, a loud whistle beeps and that kind of stuns players on the pitch and myself on the sideline. Time stopped, the birds stop singing and the clouds stopped moving in front of the sun. But Kevin stuck out a telescopic leg to toe-poke past their keeper, who didn’t attempt to save it. It all happened so fast and credit to Kevin for carrying on. He probably would have scored anyway but the whistle definitely stunned the Tameside keeper and his defence. It turned out the whistle came from the other game. Relics go into the half time break 1-0 up.
The instructions for the second half were not to go too kung ho after another goal; play the ball sensibly and manage the game. The entire team took notice of this and were moving into space to wait for a pass. Dave M was particularly good at taking up positions that had him free of any markers, so he was an easy pass for the Relics.
Comedy moment for the day was a kick-in taken by a Thameside player. He tried to curl it down the wing, with the arc of the curl keeping the ball off the pitch, until the last minute, presumably. One of the spectators calmly stopped the ball halfway up the pitch (the ball still hadn’t entered the pitch), who was surprised when the Thameside player remonstrated with him for not leaving it 😊. It was an interesting tactic to bypass the pitch until the last moment.
Foghorn Ian was really shouting instructions at his players now, “Kev, go and help them, go and help them!” and “No Fouls!”. This must have worked as they closed out the game without giving any sniff of a goal to Tameside. It turned out an excellent result of a 1-0 win, which should keep Bury Relics on top of the league.
Result Bury Relics 1 – 0 Tameside Striders
The entire team played really well, as you can say something good about each players performance. Eddy dealt well with all he had to face, Bob and Dave defended resolutely, with Dave using his pitch IQ to take up really clever positions. Bomber Bob, kept bombing forward and linking up with Jomo, so was an attacking threat without sacrificing his duty of defending. Jomo was on fire, and was everywhere; on another day, he could have scored 5 goals. Best piece of skill on the day goes to Kevin. He received the ball in midfield while closely marked against Tameside, but he completely loses his marker by dragging the ball back and flicking behind, very like a Cruff turn. Sensational! Keiren was colossal up front, been the outlet for many of Relics attacks, as well as having a few shots himself. Pat was awesome; firstly, he was very kind to help out the Invincibles, who had gone down to 4 men, so that really helped them out. But he helped them so much that they ended up winning their other 2 games. That helped the Relics move clear of Tameside but meant the Invincibles were now in second place. Ian did a good job dishing out instructions, particularly for the Tameside second half, where the team took note and finished the game off comfortably. As a fan on the side, it was a very enjoyable watch of some good football. Tremendously well-done Relics, who are now 3 points clear at the top of the league.
Report and Photos by Dr. John.
Photos
Bury Relics 